


You Found Me

by LostInTheCityofAngels



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fox Mulder Angst, Fox Mulder Torture, Hurt, Hurt Fox Mulder, Suicide, muldertorture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:53:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26880196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostInTheCityofAngels/pseuds/LostInTheCityofAngels
Summary: A short story: Fox has finally given up. He'll never get the truth. What's the point of living? Originally published October 7, 2020 but I edited out my contact information because I wish to stay anonymous... so that's why i republished it January 2, 2021
Relationships: Fox Mulder & Dana Scully, Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	You Found Me

J. Edgar Hoover Building  
October 31  
6:00 a.m.

Fox had had enough. What really upset him was finding the truth. It had been so many years. He wanted to believe. He always did. Every time he’d come remotely close, he’d get injured and wake up in the hospital with everyone else getting away or somehow the evidence would “magically” disappear. Did he still want to chase the truth? Mulder had enough experience to know he should stop. She was abducted. The government knew but they weren’t going to tell him. He was like a dog chasing its own tail.

Mulder didn’t like to think he had any mental illness or disorder but it was apparent he had been very depressed for some time now. But it just came so sudden. He lost interest in chasing the truth. He was so sure he was done. His suicidal ideation started a few months ago. He made a note that tomorrow would be his last day on Earth. There was no point of sleeping anymore. People always ask, “What would you do if you had one last day to live?” Fox just wanted closure. It wasn’t going to happen. At least he wasn’t the type who was going to kill anyone. The only person he was going to kill was himself.

Washington D.C.  
September 1  
7:00a.m.

Mulder didn’t even want to show up at work but he had to appear “normal” or whatever it seemed like that was so arrived and sat in his office throwing more pencils onto the ceiling. He felt like he could cry any minute. He had to say his goodbyes to everyone.

He waited patiently outside Skinner’s office. Eventually he walked out.

“Mulder, usually I’m the one who calls you. What are you doing here?”  
“Well I was hoping just today, I can have the day off. You know I rarely take days off. Please.” Fox wanted to smirk and add, “I’ll never miss a day after.” Because he was going to be gone, what did it matter? 

“Is everything okay Agent Mulder? This is odd for you.”

“Hey, can I-“ Fox was sure his voice was breaking. Was it too suspicious? Skinner had saved his ass so many times. Besides being a jerk, he was really helpful and he could rely on him. Fox reached out and hugged him. Skinner was taken back. He didn’t know what had happened, but he didn’t let go. He made sure to hold in his tears.

“Agent Mulder,” he repeated again. “Is something going on you’re not telling me?” He was still stuck in Fox’s hug and that’s when the door opened and it was Scully.

They broke apart. “Uh, hi Scully,” Mulder said putting on a fake smile. He hoped it was convincing.

“What’s going on? Is everything alright?”

“What are you doing here?” Fox asked.

“I had a meeting…”

“Mulder can you explain what’s going on for the last time?”

“I just need the day off. That’s it,” he said then walking out.”

Scully and Skinner just glanced at each other until Skinner told her to take a seat.

“Interesting timing,” he said. “The meeting I called you for was about Mulder. I’ve noticed lately his behavior changing and no- it’s not like his normal “paranoia” you could say. Somewhat like he’s just not focusing. He seems depressed. Anything happen to his family? I’m well aware you haven’t had a stressful case in a while.”

“Sir, I have noticed too. I think he’s just sad he can’t find the truth. He’ll get over it. He’s strong.”

“Well Scully, I told him to take the day off, but I’d rather have him take the week. Make sure he’s doing well. That’s all.”  
“Thank you sir.”

5:00p.m.

Mulder showed up at Scully’s house. He paced on the front porch for thirty minutes before deciding he didn’t want to face her in person again. It’s strange the thoughts that run through your head before you commit suicide. My last memory of talking to her, I never did this, I never did that, why me? I can’t shut my brain up!

9:00 p.m.

It was late at night and Mulder sat alone at his desk. His glasses were off in front of him and he rested his face on his desk with his arms crossed, his forehead on them. He was so tired. He was having another period of insomnia. He hadn’t slept in four days. There were no new cases recently and Scully was busy doing some other minor autopsies.

Mulder sighed as he realized he wasn’t going to sleep that night. He decided to go out on a drive. He still brought his badge and gun with him. You never knew if someone would drive you off the road or try to assault you. It was only 9 p.m. He had plenty of time. Time seems different at night. For some reason it feels like you have all the time in the world, but as soon as you see the light of dawn, everything is over. The night time feels like a dream. It’s much more quieter and it feels as if you own the world. Or maybe that’s just what Mulder thought.

Meanwhile Scully was at home settling in for the night. She trusted Mulder was okay. No one ever would think Fox was suicidal because he kept it hidden well. Sure, he would sacrifice his life for others but that wasn’t necessarily suicidal. Scully still thought Fox should’ve seen a therapist after the Russian roulette encounter but of course, he never did.

1:30 a.m.

Mulder sat in his car and finally pulled over in an empty convenience store parking lot. He got out and went in. He was going to buy a pack of cigarettes because why not? Maybe it was a last ditch effort for a sign.

He grabbed the pack of Morley Cigarettes. After paying, he returned to his guitar and opened it. He took out his lighter and as he lit it and too the first whiff, he coughed slightly.

“How’s it feel?” He heard a voice in the backseat. It was cancer man.

Fox quickly drew his gun not hesitating. “Any last words?”

“I would think clearly Mulder.”

“I think it doesn’t matter. I’m going to kill you, then myself. You might as well tell me the truth. It can die, just between us.”

“Let me show you something first Agent Mulder.” He got out of the car and it was slightly sprinkling outside. He looked back at Fox to follow him.” He reluctantly followed with a gun pointed at him still.

All of a sudden a big black car pulled up and a bunch of MIB came out.  
“It’s time to know.” Cancer man nodded at the men and they brought out something; a folder. Fox stepped closer the gun still in his hand. They extended the package and he grabbed it. He ripped it open and in was a picture of Samantha sleeping. The date listed the day after her abduction.

“She’s dead Mulder. She has been for a very long time.”

“No! I don’t believe you!” He put the gun right to Cancer Man’s forehead.

“I can show you the body. We preserved it. It’s in the car.”

“What?” Fox fan to the back of the car and saw a body bag. He ripped it open and sure enough Samantha was there. “No!” He shouted feeling her. She looked like she was just sleeping. “No!” He kept shouting while he picked her up and hugged her.

“She’s dead Fox. Now can you stop looking for the truth?”

“Then I don’t want to be here,” Fox said through tears. He wouldn’t let go of his sister.

“It’s time.” The MIB pulled Fox away. He kept shouting and kicking, and his gun dropped. “Son of a bitch why didn’t you tell me earlier? I hope you die of cancer!”

He just stood there and put out his cigarette before getting in the car leaving Fox all alone out in the rain. He still had his gun. All he could picture was Samantha’s lifeless body. She was there. The government was involved, but she was dead. He found out the truth. Isn’t that the end of his story? There was no need for an unnecessary chapter. 

Washington D.C.  
September 1  
1:57 a.m.

“No!” Mulder shouted. It was the middle of the night and he was running in the pouring rain. The puddles beneath him kicked up water soaking his pants as well. He kept looking behind him. He was sure he was crying but the the rain made him question it. When you’re in the rain, your tears are just gone. Which are tears and which are rain? Are you too numb to feel?

His head was spinning so much. He felt like he was having a heart attack. Had he been carrying this heavy heart for so long? He felt like he was going to collapse. He ran for what seemed like an hour before he found a bench and just collapsed on it. His sobbing was so loud, he was sure that the whole neighborhood could hear him. He had nothing to live for. Then he heard his phone ring. He reached in his pocket and brought out his phone hunching over making sure not to get it too wet.

“Mulder? It’s me. Is everything alright?” Why did Scully ring him? He never even dialed her…

Fox knew if he opened his mouth he wouldn’t even be able to speak without giving away the hint he was crying.

“Mulder?”

“I love you Scully,” he said. 

“Wait!” She screamed over the phone. She was already in her car ready to find him. “Where are you?”

“You won’t make it in time,” he said sadly. “I’m at the 7/11 parking lot.”

Fox picked up his gun and took the magazine out. All the bullets were still there. He took out his personal picture from his coat of him and Samantha. He was on his knees, starting at the photograph, the gun pressed to his head. The cold metal in the rain is what made him fully shake. He was sobbing so much and he dropped the photo, as it started to get all wet and dissolve. But then he remembered he was going to see Samantha, if wherever the afterlife was. One of this life would matter anymore. As for Scully, she was a strong woman. She could survive without him.

Just as he put his finger on the trigger, he heard tires screeching. A ton of cars were there. It wasn’t the MIB, but rather Skinner, Scully and several other agents. He looked at his watch. It was now 2:00 a.m.

They all got out and drew their guns but Scully said to put it away. Great, now everyone was going to see him blow his brains out. 

“Go away, you don’t want to see this,” Fox shouted. “How did you know I was going to kill myself?”

“We got an anonymous call.” Why would cancer man want to have him live? Probably only to suffer. He couldn’t let him win.

“I’m sorry,” he said, as he pulled the trigger.

Time stands still when someone dies. You don’t know what to do. All you can do is look horrified as you see the person you love fall apart. You have to accept they’re gone forever. It’s not a good feeling.

——————————————  
“Everybody's screaming  
I try to make a sound but no one hears me  
I'm slipping off the edge  
I'm hanging by a thread  
I wanna start this over again”

\- Untitled by Simple Plan 

—————————————

Ok… here’s an alternate ending cuz yeah…:

“Go away, you don’t want to see this,” Fox shouted. “How did you know I was going to kill myself?”

“We got an anonymous call.” Why would cancer man want to have him live? Probably only to suffer. He couldn’t let him win.

“I’m sorry,” he said, as he pulled the trigger. A gunshot rang and Fox was sure he was dead. There were evident screams as Scully and others ran to him. Fox didn’t know why he wasn’t dead. It’s only when the gun was pulled from his hand that he realized someone had switched it out with blanks.

“Mulder,” Scully said before crying with him. There they sat hugging each other. Some agents brought a blanket and an umbrella. “Please don’t ever leave me.”

“Scully- Sa-Samantha, She, she is- she’s de-dead,” he said as he hugged her so tight, but Scully didn’t want him to stop.

“Mulder, it’s okay, you can talk later. Let’s go to the hospital.” 

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Don’t worry Mulder. You have me.”

—————————

“A thousand other boys could never reach you  
How could I have been the one?  
I saw the world spin beneath you  
And scatter like ice from the spoon that was your womb

Comin' down the world turned over  
And angels fall without you there  
And I go on as you get colder  
Or are you someone's prayer?”

\- Black Balloon by The Goo Goo Dolls

————————


End file.
